We All Fall Down
by Kali Ravel
Summary: A series of short scenes, focusing on various characters dreams, wishes and regrets.
1. Chapter 1

He is a young man. He's handsome, too. Blonde hair gleaming in the sunlight, piercing blue eyes. He's not tall, but he has an energy, an exuberance, and a unique, quirky sense of humour, which some find intriguing, and others simply confusing.

He has so many dreams. He runs everyday, down by the seashore, to keep in shape, and while he does, he dreams. There is little else to do, after all. When he runs is his time, time that he takes away from the world to just be himself. And to think.

He'd like to think deep, philosophical thoughts, but instead he daydreams. The usual daydreams, about getting the girl and saving the day. Either order would work for him.

He's been in love a few times, but nothing that lasted. Their partings were easy, simple, and didn't leave either party feeling too taxed, or emotional, or regretful. Things had run their course, and there was nothing more to be found there.

Sometimes, he comes across monsters when he is running. Small, mostly harmless creatures, with a vicious bite. Mostly, he ignores them. Sometimes he fends them off with a stick, dreaming that it is a sword.


	2. Chapter 2

_I don't want you._

There's no real reason not to. She's pretty, intelligent. Spoilt and naïve, too. Still insists on protecting her virginity at all costs. He doesn't pressure her too much - he thinks it's kind of romantic that she wants to wait.

He likes these romantic ideals; he toys with them sometimes. When he walks through the corridors of Garden, dressed in his long coat, he pictures himself in the third person, seeing the authoritative way it swishes behind him. He moves as if his life is a film and he is the eternal director and star.

And he doesn't want this. He doesn't want her.

There's nothing wrong with her. She just isn't what he dreamed of. She's not special enough.

There might have been some conflict with her father. Deep down he knows he would have enjoyed that; he can see himself defending her, can see them running away together. Having a bittersweet dramatic life, and an eventual happy ending. An _eventual_ happy ending. He doesn't want to have it at this young age. He doesn't want it to be over, with nothing more to change, nothing more to work for. He doesn't want an easy storybook life with no conflict. He can feel himself suffocating in this small town. If there is no conflict, perhaps he will create some.


	3. Chapter 3

_...Sometimes he fends them off with a stick, dreaming that it is a sword._

He walks through the town, his t-shirt drenched in sweat. He wants to go home immediatly, remove the damp, grey clothing he wears for these exercises, and throw himself into a shower. That's his usual routine.

Today, though, something is different. He skipped breakfast that morning, despite knowing that it's a bad idea. He's not an athelete, but he knows his body, knows that if he doesn't eat he will feel this uncomfortable starving hunger before he reaches home. But he is a dreamer, absent-minded and cheerful. He is often distracted from day to day life, and although he runs regularly he still finds his own plans taking him by surprise, forcing him to run out of the door having forgotten everything he meant to do.

Still, he has done this before. This is something he can handle. There's a cafe on his way home, one where he knows he can get the hot dogs he craves . Probably not the healthiest breakfast, but he, as he justifies it, he needs the protein and carbs.

He is served by the same smiling girl as always, a cheerful dark-haired girl who knows him by now, and shakes her head when she realises that he's skipped breakfast again.

As he orders, he notices that behind her, the door to the kitchen is left open. He can see someone else; not all of her. Long dark hair, and smooth pale arms, working, cooking something. He wonders who she is, and why she hides herself. More than anything, he wants to see her face.


	4. Chapter 4

She can't sleep. This isn't so unusual.

She's not above getting up in the middle of the night and wandering outside to find the stars. That's what she did when she couldn't sleep back there, at least. Here, outside is further away, and she finds it easier to walk to the training centre. The roof is clear, to allow the sunlight the Grats need, and she can see the stars just fine. Here, instead of walking, she wears herself out by fighting, heading back when she is exhausted enough to fall into a dreamless sleep the second her head hits the pillow.

She's heading back now, her weapon resting on her shoulder, head down. She's yawning, although she doesn't feel ready to sleep yet.

"What're you doing up so late?"

He startled her, coming from the shadows like that.

"I couldn't sleep," she replies, looking up at him.

"Me either. Come talk to me."

And he pulls her towards his dorm. She goes with him.


	5. Chapter 5

_More than anything, he wants to see her face._

He asks the girl on the counter who she is, the dark-haired girl in the back room.

"My sister," she says, and from her manner, it is clear that she considers this quite enough information. Still, he persists. Why does she keep herself hidden like that? Can he see her? What are her hobbies, her likes and dislikes, would she like to go out sometime? To talk, or to see a movie, or to the library, or for a walk, or something, anything.

From behind the door she listens, but keeps herself hidden. As always, she keeps herself hidden.


	6. Chapter 6

_She goes with him._

They talk, until they fall asleep, lying on his bed. When they awake in the morning they are curled together. It's…nice.

She wakes up before he does, and it's a while before she opens her eyes. She isn't sure how to deal with this. Nothing happened, but waking up like this feels more intimate than a kiss. She is gone before his eyes open, and at first, neither of them quite know how to discuss it.

However, by the fourth time they wake up like that, they've become old pros.

It's not about sex, which is the bit she finds difficult to understand. It's about comfort, in the middle of the night, someone to talk to, something warm to hug while she falls asleep. They're just friends.


	7. Chapter 7

I am alive.

…so cold…

It cannot end here. I cannot die like this.

Bring me back!

I will not be forgotten. How…how dare they? They cannot forget me. They cannot leave me here.

I will go mad in this place.

I will never let you forget about me. You could not even destroy me! You left me trapped here, in this hellish tomb!

Bring me back!


	8. Chapter 8

He wakes in the night, crying softly. At first, he is too scared too scream, and he's not even sure why he's afraid.

There was something...he's not sure what. Something coming after him, although he couldn't name the purpose. Being chased is scary enough; he doesn't need any further explanation.

He sobs almost uncontrollably. Still, he cannot call for help, cannot even take his head from underneath the blanket. If he does...it might get him.

It is not a very long time - although, to him, it seems it - before there are footsteps and motion nearby. There is always motion; this room is never still, not with so many warm bodies filling it with their breathy sounds of sleep. Still, this is different; this is purposeful. He tenses, but cannot prevent a small whimper from escaping.

Suddenly, warm arms swoop and encircle him. He cries out softly and is shushed. Realising who it is, he clings and cries again.

"Shhhh, baby, it's okay,"

And she rocks him, as if he were younger. He's big now, he knows, but he still likes to be cuddled and held, especially after nightmares.

"It's okay, it's okay," and she strokes his hair. "Was it a nightmare? It's okay. I won't let anyone hurt you baby. I won't let anyone hurt any of you."

He cannot explain why he is afraid, but it's okay. She understands. He had never known a mother, but if he had one, he would like one just like her. He wishes she had more time for him, but now, at least, he does not have to share. She calls him baby, as she does all her charges, but he doesn't mind. He feels loved. He hopes it never has to end, but he dries his tears and wriggles to be put down.

"I'm not a cry-baby," he whispers, with a kind of fierce pride. "I'm okay Matron. It was just a bad dream, and dreams aren't real, are they?"

"No, no, baby, they're not. Go back to sleep."


	9. Chapter 9

I can't keep my feet on the ground.

The magic fills me, and carries me. The power flows through my veins.

It starts at my fingertips, at my crossed hands. It flows, like a wave of a shiver down my spine, down to my feet, then slowly back up, carrying me with it. My mind retreats. I am weightless, and my movement is effortless.

I move as if in a dream. Nothing matters, as long as this power keeps flowing. It sparks from my fingertips, and even in my trance I feel my eyes burn. 

I feel like a goddess. And sometimes, it occurs to me, that perhaps that is exactly what this power makes me.

It is only an idea that I toy with sometimes. I've seen how this absolute power corrupts. It's just an idea to play with.


	10. Chapter 10

_As always, she keeps herself hidden._

It is not through lack of effort on his part. He returns, far more often than he used to. Her sister becomes almost annoyed, until she sees her expression each time. She does not normally show her feelings on her face, but this time, she does. It's fear.

It's impossible to say what the girl is afraid of. She is afraid he will keep trying, that he will find her, that he will discover her secret.

She is afraid that he won't.

She is afraid that he will hate her, that he will look at her with disgust, and she doesn't think she could bear that. All she wants is to be surrounded by love; she dreams of a large family, of reading stories to enraptured children, watching them grow up and learn about the world.

Of course, her condition makes this impossible. But she can dream. A dream does not cost anything.

So, he keeps coming, and she keeps dreaming, Until one day, she is forced into a rude realisation of what exactly it is that terrifies her.


	11. Chapter 11

This is all wrong.

She was a calm woman, one who dressed in modest, subdued colours. She looked young, still looks young, but before she was a comforting young woman. He can remember his own small hands touching the veins on her face. They were raised then, slightly, an interest texture to his young self. Now they appear almost painful, purple, dramatic, like her clothing.

This is all wrong. This isn't like her.

_Tell yourself it isn't her,_ he thinks. _It might as well not be._

Then, it seems, he has a better plan. This plan is simply to stall and see what else turns up, but hey. Pretty good for less than a seconds thought-time.

"I..." He starts. They look at him, the naive optimist and the stoic young man with the scar marring the face he used to know so well. The face which he knows is only a mask, which slips to show a childish fear he recognises sometimes, when the SeeD isn't even aware of it himself.

"I can't do it."


	12. Chapter 12

_They're just friends._

She wakes up alone today, and she misses him. Maybe not him precisely; the warmth, the comfort. The conversations as they both agree, just a few minutes longer. So far, they've yet to be caught, on the nighttime excursions or later, heading back to their own rooms. Perhaps, she wonders, he learned this trick with other girls, once with whom he did not have such an innocent friendship.

When she allows herself to think this, she feel rage filling her. It isn't like her. She doesn't like it.

So, they're just friends.


	13. Chapter 13

So, he keeps coming, and she keeps dreaming

_So, he keeps coming, and she keeps dreaming. Until one day, she is forced into a rude realisation of what exactly it is that terrifies her._

Before that day, she gives in. She has learnt, from her sister, where it is that he appears from each morning. She's heard his enthusiastic talk before now, even muffled as it was by his desperate inhalation of hot dogs. She knows where he can find him, just as he knows where he can find her. But she is the one who can take down that barrier.

It takes her a while to get up her courage, to sneak out early in the morning. Normally, she leaves her excursions for the darker hours of the night, when she is better able to disguise herself with scarves, and with the natural darkness. She isn't worried about the danger of the darkness, not like any other young woman would be. She knows she is safe, from direct attacks at least.

This morning, the sun seems far too bright. She feels exposed. She thinks this was a stupid idea.

She sees him long before he sees her. He is focused on the ground in front of him, sweat dripping from his face, causing his hair to fall in front of his eyes. She can't help but smile at him.

When he sees her, he is stunned. He stops, still breathing hard. Her nervousness increases.

"Hello," she says. Her voice doesn't sound like it usually does. The words come out in a breathless squeak. Still, he gazes at her.

"I - " she begins, thinking this was a mistake. "I brought hot dogs."

He smiles then, a huge grin spreading across his face. She smiles back.


	14. Chapter 14

I don't want a pet

I don't want a pet.

I'm lonely sometimes, I admit it. I have my friends, and that's nice. We spend time together. I have my students, and my position within Garden. I'm always busy, always surrounded by people. And still, I'm a little lonely.

I don't cry myself to sleep at night, that would be silly. But when I see the dynamics of Rinoa and Squall's relationship, him protesting, while she tries to talk him into something, and then they argue, and make up…or when I see Irvine and Selphie, avoiding each other's gazes, the way they do. She'll look at him, with a thoughtful expression, until he looks up. Then her eyes dart away, pretending to be fascinated by something else. So then he'll gaze at her for a while. And then he'll hit on her, in the joking way he does everyone, and she'll brush him off, as she always does, not knowing that he _doesn't_ do this to everyone, not any more. Oh, he'll still make the odd comment, but it's always her he goes back to. She doesn't realise that, of course. Until the middle of the night, when she's too awake to go to sleep, and needs someone to talk to. She knows she's the only one who has that with him, simply because no one else would fit in that bed with them.

They think I don't know. They think no one knows, when it's obvious to anyone who pays attention. Or anyone who has the room next to hers, and stays up late with paperwork.

I don't know if they'll take it further. I think she's afraid to, since that would make her just like every other girl he's known. She doesn't want that. Nor does he, I think.

I can usually find Zell in the library these days. I caught him buying flowers once.

I have my admirers, of course. Many of whom would be happy to buy me flowers, or, probably, share my bed. If I told them to.

I don't want a pet. I don't want someone who hangs on to my every word, who does whatever I command them to, and never thinks of anything on their own initiative. I don't want someone who agrees with everything I say, no matter what I say. If they always have the same opinion, whatever I say, does it make any difference whether I'm saying something important or just chanting the alphabet over and over? If they act on every one of my ideas and never on their own, then it does it make any difference that they're a separate individual, a real person with their own life, and feelings, and ideas? I don't think so.

I don't want a pet, but I would like a partner.


	15. Chapter 15

_She smiles back. _

" – war."

That's all she hears. She only catches the last part of the sentence, hidden in the kitchen as she is. She can ask her sister about it later.

She's heard the rumours before now. Of Sorceress Adel in Esthar, that power to the East. It had seemed, before, that she was merely an ogre to scare children with. Now her presence is an imminent threat. Not only to the world, but to her own well-being.

Her sister confirms it. War has been officially declared.

Later, early the next morning, she throws herself into his arms. He tries to comfort her, but he cannot answer the one question to which she needs a reply.

"What if they find out that I'm the same?"


End file.
